The Taken Things – A Poem About Destiny

Greetings Guardians!

As you are all aware, a great deal of detail has been released on the upcoming Destiny DLC: The Taken King. Prior to discovering anything about the DLC, I generally felt pretty good about the state of Destiny, it was a great game that I would regularly go back to. However, after perusing the internet and catching up the gossip…well… I am thoroughly disheartened.

However, instead of going on a lengthy rant about the game, the devs and the new features… I decided I would communicate my feelings through what can only be described as the world’s first* gaming poem. With no further adieu, here is a poem about Destiny titled simply…

The Taken Things

You wowed me with great gunplay, and visuals beyond compare,
I got to be Master Chief again but also fly through the air.

You showed me that instances and raids, were not confined to MMOs
That you don’t need to have a neck beard to enjoy some grind, some to –and –fro

You gave me multiplayer were I could customise for each fight,
A myriad of skills, armour and weapons to hose noobs with much delight,

You taught me that you can change, and listen to your fans,
When dark below came out I almost flushed Destiny down the can,

My reason for being vexed was that you shunned me for all my hard work,
I had written off the game with Crota, called Bungie a bunch of jerks!
I busted my fucking ass to get Icebreaker, Invective and The Last Word,
You took them away from me,
A reset of XP,
It was mother fucking absurd.

“Fuck you veteran players…” you said, “…your loot and your raids on hard,”
“You have to grind like a Korean now and gather those exotic shards!”

Then came The House of Wolves, and I returned with interest renewed,
I played here and there, slowly my enthusiasm ensued,
You beat down the grind, and made way for more customisation,
You instituted The Trials, it certainly balanced the equation.

“Bungie…” I said one day, thinking to myself,
“It looks like Destiny is back of track, and that it’s not all about your wealth.”
The gunplay, the raids the strikes, it was a cure for the FPS itch,
…and then I read about The Taken King…

“BUNGIE, DO I LOOK LIKE A BITCH!?!?!?”

“Then why are you trying to fuck me like a bitch?!”
It is a repeat of the Dark Below,
“Fuck you veteran gamer,” you said,
“We are the pimps, and you are the hoe!”

You’ll fucking take what we give you, and we want your money in return,
We don’t care about your precious loot, elemental primaries with arc burn,
We are simplifying the game, to attract more and more new players,
No, 500 million is not enough, our pile of money needs more layers,

And now we reach the point, where Stockholm Syndrome prevails,
They’ve fucked me over twice now, but I hate with no avail,
I will continue grind, continue to raid as Destiny does grow,
This is what I have dubbed, The Irony Below.

Despite Bungie’s continued violations, of my gear, my wallet and my blood pressure,
I am a fucking addict, in too far, too deep beyond measure,

And thus I will continue to burn, with news of The Taken King,
As I continue to play, fretting over my soon to be…Taken Things.

 

*Note that this is probably not the worlds first poetic discussion/appraisal of a game.

Tom

Tom is a scientist. He is a man shrouded in mystery and intrigue who wants to share his thoughts on games, movies and technology with you!